The Dream

Aimless

Posted in Uncategorized by ladyjoker on May 25, 2009

yena24

Feeling really lost and aimless at the moment, its as though I dont know what I want in my life anymore. I really hate this phase of my life, all these uncertainties and rejection. Finally settled down to look at the Biz package, I am now at the appeal website, reading the instructions and requirements. So this is it, a 1000 character essay about your reasons for appealing to your desired course. I dont get it why university application process is like this, how they judge you based on your interview, based on essay test. Can passion and interest actually be judged and determined from a 1-hr interview? So does that put me way below my peers, that my passion for medicine is less palpable? I am really getting sick of all these university applications, the whole process just irks me and puts me off.  Now, all I really hope for is for Aust Med to accept me, it has been my dream since Year 1 in college, I really want to get in very very badly. But I dont know if I would still stand a chance looking at how badly my Isat when. In the midst of it, I knew my heart was no longer on the paper, my mind wandered off, I tried to tell myself, focus this is it this will determine my future, but I just couldnt really concentrate, its just this feeling that you know you didnt do really well. Exactly how I felt after SATS, which i scored horribly. I dont know, all I can do now is pray that I did alright for it, I hope my percentile would be decent! I just want to be offered an interview, I just need the chance(s) to prove myself again! There are 2 more schools now, UNSW & Adelaide, I need to go for them. Meanwhile, I need to send my supporting documents to University of Auckland sigh. All these in the midst of multiple driving lessons a week and submission of all the NUS documents.

Now, as I try to draft out my appeal essay, I re-read my Personal Statement, the feeling of being excited for med schl entry is foreign, all these rejection has made me numb, I need to rethink about why I want to be a doctor, I dont want to be one of those who do it just for glory and glamour, I really want to dedicate my life to patient care. Sigh if only if I was given a chance to do so. Aussie med, please accept me, please. I have never been this desperate.

The day has barely started, but I cant wait for the night to come already, this is how aimless I have been, in the morning, I yearn for night time, in the night, I yearn for yet another sunrise. I dont know how I am going to survive university life, I have no friends in Biz and people would most probably have already formed cliques since they all applied for it tgt sigh.

There’s really so much to worry about. Where have the days where we were carefree kids gone to?

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One Response

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  1. ty said, on May 25, 2009 at 8:52 am

    i feel you


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